All was going so well until a couple of weeks ago, when you discovered that Flippy was missing from his proper place of honor in the mission house. For a week you were frantic, thinking that he had wandered off, or -- worse -- you had lost him. But the truth is even worse: Flippy has been spatula-napped. You got the note a few days ago, and knew what had happened. From the wording of the note, it is clear that he has been taken by the wicked Forces of Satan, the Wieners, your avowed enemies. Looking more intensely around the mission house, you found few clues: just a bit of mustard-stained toilet paper and stuffing in the otherwise-immaculate Spatula Room.
They are demanding that you leave them alone in their plans to take over the world, but you know you can't do that; to let the Devil win in this coming Armageddon would damn you as surely as they are damned. But still...
You know you want Flippy back. His powers are downright miraculous. You wouldn't have a flock if it weren't for his incredible charisma. Truth to tell, you've grown to like being a leader, and can scarcely imagine life as an ordinary schnook again. You have a destiny to fulfill, as the leader of God's Right and Truth, and Flippy is an essential part of that destiny. You have to get him back...
You have one small hope: according to word on the Net, one of your flock has infiltrated the Wieners, and should be contacting you soon, to pass on information about their evil plans. Unfortunately, the rumors also indicate that the Wieners have an evil spy among your people. How far will they stoop? Imagine, sending a spy into a pious group like yours...
As for Jeff Diewald, you're actually perfectly content that he kicked the bucket. You know what he must have looked like to the rank and file during Opening Ceremonies -- another minute or two, and they would have all been down there worshipping him. That's your position; you're the rightful leader of the Anti-Wieners; after all, that's why you wrote the Book of Flippy in the first place, going to all that work to make it look ancient. Diewald didn't die a minute too soon. Not that you'd wish any of God's creatures dead, of course. You're just not going to mourn him very hard. At least, not in private. In public, he now makes a remarkably good martyr, and you can use him to whip a little more fervor into the flock. Actually, he's now looking very useful to you...