Who Killed the Con-Chair? Bluesheet -- For Your Eyes Only!

The Anti-Wieners

Oh, God -- the tragedy! There He was, the Chosen One, spoken of in the scriptures: cut down before He could fulfill His true destiny!

For does it not say, in the Book of Flippy, that

22. In a Coate of Manie Spatulas will hee come,

and hee shal leade the Burghers to Their True Pathe.

And al shal gather before Him, and see His Truth,

and He shal tell them of the glory of Flippy, the

One Spatula.

23. And Hee shalbe the Prophet, Chosen to ende the
Reign of the Weiner. And Hee shal tak up Flippy,
and Togedher wil the Truth be Given.

You never would have guessed it. You had come here under the guise of gaming, but really to oppose the evil Oscar Mayer Wieners, who are gathering their forces for a final assault on the hearts, souls, and mouths of God's People. Their plan is not clear, but the general outline is: this weekend is the last chance for the forces of Godliness to oppose their plan to Take Over the World for their Dread Master Satan.

You've always hated that song, the insipid Oscar Mayer tune. But you could never get it out of your head -- it just ran around and around, slowly driving you mad. Before long, you realized that it was a plot, a vile attempt to take over the world. For years, the thought of it consumed you, until you found a like-minded group of folks. Under the direction of Minister Smart, you began to understand their awful plan. Using their terrible commercials, and the power of television, they will take over the world, and bring about the day of Armageddon, handing the now-brainwashed populace over to the forces of Hell.

(It's so obvious, when you think of it. Those long sausages, the tight buns they put them into -- it's clearly obscene! But no one seems to understand that, a testimony to the power they have already begun to wield over the people of the world.)

The group has organized around The Book of Flippy, the final testament of the Bible, long suppressed by the Satanic Hot Dog Conspiracy. This book tells the story of the One True Spatula, who will deliver the people of the Lord from the forces of Evil in the Final Days. It teaches of the Burgers of Righteousness, and the coming of the Prophet, who will wield Flippy in that fight. When you read it for the first time, and learned of the ways of the real round hamburger buns, you knew how it had to be. You know the Dangers. You Live for the Bun. You Die for the Bun.

According to the sources on your Net newsgroup (alt.fan.burgers), the Wieners are planning something big. They are gathering here, in the shadow of the evil Wonder Bread plant (defiler of God's true bread, the bulky roll), to prepare to finally take over the people of the world; if they succeed, the end could begin tomorrow. You must stop them. Somehow.

And now, they have committed the ultimate offense against God -- they have killed the Chosen Prophet. Clearly, they knew the tale of Flippy, and how he would bring their end, and have done what they could to prevent it. But the truth is not to be denied. The Reign of the Wiener will end. And Jeff Diewald, the Prophet of the Burgers, shall be avenged.

Goals

Identify the evil Oscar Mayer Wieners, and learn as much as possible of their plans. Prevent them in their terrible plan to give the world over to the Great Wiener, no matter the cost.
Do not let them know who you are! They work for Satan, and have terrible powers beyond your ability to even guess. They could surely damn you to Hell with their ungodly unfluence!
Find the other members of the Anti-Wieners, and keep them informed of anything you find out. Since you've all gotten to know each other over the Net, via pseudonyms, you don't know what any of them look like. But you've arranged a passphrase:

Find Minister Smart. He says that he will be using that name this weekend, putting himself at a bit of risk, so the others can find him. He is co-ordinating the efforts against the forces of the Devil, and you should follow his lead.
All the indications from the Net indicate that the Wieners plan to begin their evil plan at Any Port in a Storm, Saturday night. If possible, be there to help foil them.
Keep in mind that other forces are present. Some may be godly, others demonic. Assess which could help you in your Holy Mission, and solicit their aid. If you come across others who understand the Word of God, show them the righteousness of your cause, that they might join with the Angels in the coming battle.